When I think back on how I got to where I am I cannot help but be entertained, amazed and reminded that it truly is about the journey. I could never have accepted that as my younger self. The only thing that mattered was getting to where I wanted to go.
Now with the ability to take a longer view I see why the journey was what it was given how I saw myself along with a determination to know the truth of life so I could understand who I was. I had no clue what I was really asking for and would have argued you down had you said that to me. And, true to that famous Law of Attraction adage, “Be careful what you wish for,” I wasn’t and I’ve been getting it ever since.
Curious as I was, my first memory of astrology was reading astrological sun sign columns at twelve. It was usually the first page I’d turn to in the newspaper or my then favorite, Cosmopolitan magazine. After a few years I became disillusioned when it had long since stopped speaking to me. I rejected astrology as false.
Fast forward twelve years and the then convoluted journey of finding it again is an enlightening play of synchronicity and irony that speaks to timing being everything in life and that there is such a thing as fate. Despite what I did not see and couldn’t understand, the truth was right in front of me the whole time. Ignorance, social conditioning, and fear of loss needed to be guided through to get to it. My appointment with who would play that role was waiting for me to arrive to the right time.
Within those twelve years I made an attempt to read an astrology book that I purchased after a couple of frozen margaritas. What? A few pages in and it was like reading Greek. I found a place for it on my book shelf wondering how it could have seemed like a good idea. Yeah. How?
A few years later in a moment that passed as an afterthought at the time I was given the contact information for the woman who would become first my astrologer then my teacher and guide in spiritual self-development.
Her information wasn’t for me. It was for a family member who wanted counseling but didn’t want therapy. I would never in a million years thought she was someone open to seeing an astrologer instead of a therapist but then you never know even with family. I had no interest so I passed it on and threw the note away.
It was a torturous time from the moment I gave her the contact info to the time of her session. I had to take multiple drama filled calls at work because relentless is her middle name – before mobile phones and internet – to answer why was it taking so long for her session to happen. How did I know? I was just the messenger, right Mercury?
There were delays receiving replies to the voicemails she left. Miscommunications like not explaining lateness would be due to the long trip through heavy traffic. After the first attempt no one was home under the assumption she wasn’t coming. It finally occurred after a few weeks wait for another appointment and clarification that any lateness is due to traffic so be assured she’ll be there.
If only I had known to mark the date, place and time of that fateful phone call when I passed on the astrologer’s contact information. I would have had my first real astrology lesson. I can only speculate now of course. I imagine the chart having new moon timing due to that phone call being a seed germinating its energetic DNA out of sight and mind for later manifestation. The miscommunications and understandings suggest a quincunx or two and a possible opposition maybe involving Mercury and Mars. The overall difficulty of getting together suggests a square and possibly sesqui-quadrates, maybe involving Venus and/or the Moon.
And then the session. The outpouring of elation and praise floored me coming from this Capricorn Sun/Leo Rising/Aries Moon relation who I rarely heard praise anybody for anything. I was taken aback, way, way back at the force of her unleashing. Then stunned as I heard her say she scheduled a session for me as a birthday gift.
In the wake of her effervescence my skepticism looked for solid ground. I was amazed that she could be this happy but was unchanged on what astrology might offer me. But a gift is a gift right? Besides at that time my default view of life was like looking up at the bottom of the barrel. My curiosity crept in despite a philosophy of, “Expect the worse, hope for the best.”
I experienced a parade of feelings and emotions on the appointed day that stand out decades later. Amazement, wonder, skepticism, doubt, confusion, curiosity, anger. How could this person who I would never, ever have an occasion to meet, let alone be interested in knowing, tell me things about myself that I knew but said to me? I demanded repeatedly to know how she knew what she was saying. I couldn’t think of anyone who I knew who could have told her what she was telling me about me.
I left stunned, speechless, amazed, awed. I couldn’t grasp how symbols on a page could tell her what she said about me. It was beyond comprehension to one who viewed this stuff as fortune telling. That’s what it was supposed to be. Wasn’t it?
I took her advice to listen to the recording to keep the information in the forefront of my mind. Every day to and from work I listened for fifty-two weeks until I saw her again. I didn’t know it then but I was attuning myself to the vibrational frequency of what her words meant. I was, through her words, entraining myself to an awareness of my vibration I did not have before. I was receiving my first conscious instruction in how your thoughts, vibrational patterns, attract your experience. I began to wake up.
Before I was the victim of my experiences. With this new view coming into focus I began to connect my experiences to what I was thinking. You mean this stuff worked? Revelation didn’t capture the impact. Over the next five years of consultations and revelations I began to see myself as the one most deserving of my attention. Why did I think like I did? Why did I have the experiences I did? For the first time I can remember self-loathing was replaced with curious wonder as if I was an amazing new species I had discovered.
I instinctively rejected her repeated suggestions that I would make a good astrologer no matter my new state of awareness. I wasn’t that far gone, yet. But then into the first couple of years of my second twelve year Jupiter return cycle, in an idle moment I found myself pulling that astrology book off the shelf. I opened it up and read words I understood. A wave of knowing took me over. How can I know this now when before it was incomprehensible? Tears wet the page. Why was I crying? This meant something. I wasn’t certain what but what I did know was that I needed to learn astrology to find out what and why. I called her and told her what happened. True to her rarely ruffled Aquarius Sun and Moon she said. “Good. I had decided I’m going to teach again.” That was when my journey really began.